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So after a few weeks of messing around on other accounts, trying to decide who to play as what and where, I finally came to the conclusion that I don’t want to play on any avatar but Dear. I enjoy playing a role in SL Gor, but it comes to Out of Character interactions and conversations, I don’t want to be anyone but me.

I had thought about playing on other accounts, because I am sometimes tired of all of the history I have as Dear. I have made mistakes, many of them public ones. I don’t want to continue paying for them by the way people think of me and treat me. I don’t want someone messing with my head and causing drama by playing on an alt. I don’t want people to have expectations of me that I can’t meet. I don’t want to be treated like a slave because people have always known me as a “good slut.”

But I reminded myself that what other people think of me is none of my business. Furthermore, the expectations that others might have of me, whether I meet them or not, is their problem and not mine. I am going to be who I am and deal with whatever consequences there might be.

So for the past few days, I have been hanging around at the Gor Hub on Dear. One night, this guy and I started roleplaying in IMs, and he was pretty rough with me. The second night, I started talking to another guy, who was very sweet, and we roleplayed a little — stuff like holding hands. It’s interesting to me that I felt MUCH more comfortable with the brutality of the sexual roleplay than I did with the affectionate stuff.

But this does bring up another pet peeve of mine… is there something written on my forehead or in my profile that pronounces me an easy slut? Why do I get the men who want to spend a few hours in IMs getting their jollies by roleplaying sexually?

Seriously. I’m not all that interested. I’m not a prude. But if I am horny, I can go get MrBzzBzz out of the drawer and have a good time with him. Or.. I can actually go out with someone and have REAL sex. So I don’t need cyber sex, and if I’m going to have sex in SL, I would prefer that it be part of a larger story, not just some one night IM stand.

Not only that, but I would like to have a roleplay partner, someone to write a long term story with. I am more than just some sexy words in an IM, and anyone who can’t see that is really not worth my time and attention.