Someone today asked me why I didn’t kiss the relationship goodbye, grieve and move on to get to know someone else.

I am.

If I had any indication that he still wanted me, I would wait. But he doesn’t call me, and when we do chat online, it’s very impersonal. I don’t need a lightbulb moment to get that he’s just not interested in me anymore.

I waited six weeks for H. But I knew he would be back. I knew he wanted me. And we spoke on the phone every day.

And yes, I am really grieving. It hurts. I had something really, really good… granted, it was only for a short period of time, but that doesn’t make me miss it any less. I made a huge mistake in meeting him. He made a huge mistake in pushing me to meet so soon, and as a Master, he should have known better. He should have shown some restraint.

I am grieving. I don’t whether to stay in Laura or go. It’s hard to see him there and wonder why he won’t share himself with me anymore. I know other girls have stalked him and played games with him. I don’t want anyone to think I am too. And should he meet someone who is really right for him, I don’t want him to hesitate to take her because I would see and be hurt. And I don’t want to be there to see it anyway.

I am trying to move on. But I never take anything lightly, and my feelings for him aren’t ones I could just turn off. I will get over this in my own time. In the meantime, I am getting to know other people, as friends. And they make all of the difference to me right now.